Many have heard the term "mother wound" or "father wound" at some point in their life. More often than not, we find ourselves identifying with one more than the other, but for many they are both present, even if in subtle ways. Simply put, a parent wound often stems from some form of unresolved trauma that occurs at some point during the parent/child relationship. The word "trauma" can hold a different meaning to people on an individual level. So, what kind of trauma can contribute to a parent wound:
*Emotional Absence
*Physical Absence
*Emotional disconnect
*Lack of acceptance/approval
*Unrealistic expectations
*Criticism
*Not able to fully express emotions
*Abusive behaviors (physical, emotional, verbal, etc...)
Because our parents are the first people in our lives that we form relationships with, we don't necessarily realize that what we are experiencing isn't the norm. It's not until we get older, gain a broader awareness of things, that we realize what a truly deep impact our parents have on us, our self-image, and our relationships with others and the world around us.
Signs a parent wound may be present:
*Fear of abandonment
*Lack of boundaries
*Seeking approval and validation from others
*Overly sensitive to criticism
*Issues with self-worth, self-confidence, and self-love
*Hyper-independence
*Lack of emotional awareness
*Difficulties regulating your thoughts/feelings
*Difficulties forming and maintaining relationships due to a lack of trust
Parent wounds are often layered and complex and there's no "simple fix" or one definitive way to begin unpacking and healing them. Learning to not only acknowledge your pain, but truly express it is crucial. This means allowing yourself the space to feel through ALL of the emotions. It means realizing that you won't just do this once or twice, but MANY times on your healing journey. Acknowledge your grief. Yes, its ok to grieve living people, situations, and things. It's time to give yourself the permission to do that. A big part of healing this wound is learning how to "parent yourself"...or showing up in ways and aligning your energy (words and actions) with what you wish you had as a child, teen, or young adult. We've often heard the phrase or quote on the healing journey "I've become the person I would've felt save with as a child". That's essentially what learning to parent yourself means.
Remember that the idea here is to find the balance between acknowledging the negative feelings you have, like resentment and anger, and forgiving the parent. People can't give you something they aren't. Sometimes even though we came out with wounds, our parents may have tried to the best of their ability with the coping skills they had at the time. Holding on to hate, resentment, anger, and bitterness towards anyone results in a ripple of that kind of energy in your life. When you sit in and energy or engage in behaviors rooted in those emotions for an extended period of time, you're essentially telling the Universe you're "ok" with that kind of energy. Then you find yourself in "loops" or repeating patterns and the lesson or wound keeps returning so you have an opportunity to heal it and reintegrate.
Child of Balance says it perfectly, however I may butcher it a little bit, haha, when we focus so hard on not being like our parents, we inadvertently end up becoming our own unique version of them. So, take some time to look at how a parent wound may still be "showing up" in your life and explore the ways you can FULLY heal it.